Confession is the sacrament people put off longest, and the reason is usually mechanical rather than spiritual. They do not know when their parish has it, they cannot remember the words, and they are not sure what happens once the door shuts. All three of those are answerable.
What the sacrament is
Catholic teaching holds that sins committed after baptism are forgiven through the sacrament of penance, and the Catechism sets out the parts: the penitent’s sorrow, the confession of sins to a priest, the penance accepted afterwards, and the absolution the priest gives. The Catechism describes contrition as sorrow of the soul for the sin committed together with the resolution not to sin again, and it treats individual confession and absolution as the ordinary way this is done.
The names vary and mean the same thing. Confession, penance, reconciliation and, on older parish notice boards, “the confessional” all point at one rite.
Finding a time
This is the hard part, and the reason is worth stating. This directory holds Mass times, because Mass times are what parishes and dioceses publish in a form we can read and cite. Confession times are published far less consistently. Some parishes put them on the website, some only in the weekly newsletter, and some announce them from the altar.
Four places to look, roughly in order of how likely they are to be right.
The parish’s own website. Where we hold one, it is linked from that church’s page in our directory of churches, and the parish’s newsletter is usually the most current thing on it.
The half hour before a Saturday evening Mass. This is the single most common British arrangement by a wide margin. A parish with a vigil Mass at six will very often hear confessions from half past five, and many will also hear them after a weekday morning Mass.
A cathedral or a city-centre church. These hold longer and more predictable hours precisely because people travel to them, and several run confessions through the middle of the day. Our diocese pages are the quickest route to the cathedral of the diocese you are in.
The phone. Ringing the parish office and asking is not an imposition; arranging confession outside the advertised times is normal, and a priest will make an appointment.
In Advent and in Lent most parishes also hold a penitential service, where a congregation gathers for readings and prayers and then confesses individually to one of several visiting priests. The Catechism describes this communal form, in which individual confession and absolution sit inside a liturgy of the word. For anyone who has not been for a long time it is often the easiest way back in, because everybody in the church is there for the same reason.
What happens, in order
The bishops of England and Wales publish a step-by-step account, and it matches what you will meet in a British parish.
Beforehand, spend ten minutes or so on an examination of conscience. The bishops’ own advice is not to spend forever trying to remember every small fault; serious sins have to be mentioned, and the rest is helpful rather than required.
You will find either a confessional box with a screen or a small room with two chairs, and in most churches both are available in the same place. Sitting face to face and kneeling behind a screen are equally valid, the choice is yours, and choosing the screen is not a sign of anything.
Then the rite itself. It begins with the sign of the cross and the words the bishops give as the opening: “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It is such-and-such a length of time since my last confession.” A sentence of context about your circumstances helps the priest, and then you say your sins simply and directly. The suggested close is “I am sorry for all these sins and the sins of my past life.”
The priest will normally say something in response. Then you make an act of contrition, which is a short prayer of sorrow; a card with one printed on it is usually pinned up inside the confessional, and if it is not, the priest will supply the words. He gives absolution. He also gives a penance, often a few prayers or something specific to do, and you carry that out afterwards. The Catechism explains the penance as repairing the harm done rather than as a punishment discharged.
The whole thing commonly takes five minutes.
If you have forgotten how
Say so. “I have not been for twenty years and I do not remember what to do” is a perfectly ordinary opening sentence, and the priest will take you through it a line at a time. Parish priests hear this constantly and hearing it is the job.
The bishops’ guidance is blunt about the anxiety that keeps people away, and puts it as: however long it has been, however bad the sin, however embarrassed you feel, do not let anything stop you from going.
If you forget a sin
The same guidance answers this directly, and says that in confession the Lord forgives all the sins the penitent intended to mention, provided nothing was deliberately concealed. Remembering something on the walk home does not undo the absolution. Mention it next time.
What the priest may do with it
Nothing. The Catechism sets out the sacramental seal: every priest who hears confessions is bound under very severe penalties to keep absolute secrecy about the sins his penitents have confessed. It admits no exception, and it binds him regardless of who the penitent is or what was said.
How often
The Church’s minimum is stated in the Catechism: having reached the age of discretion, each of the faithful is bound to confess serious sins at least once a year. The bishops of England and Wales put the same rule the practical way round, adding that anyone conscious of having committed a mortal sin should receive the sacrament before receiving Communion.
Once a year is a floor and not a target. Many Catholics go monthly, some go weekly, and plenty go twice a year at Advent and Lent. There is no upper limit and no expectation that a confession has to be dramatic to be worth making.
England and Wales, and Scotland
Nothing in the above differs between the two bishops’ conferences. The rite, the seal and the yearly minimum come from the universal law of the Church and apply identically in Cardiff, Carlisle and Coatbridge. What does differ across Great Britain is purely practical: how much a diocese publishes online, and whether a parish’s confession times are on a website or only in a printed newsletter.
The days on which Catholics are obliged to attend Mass do differ between the two conferences, and that is covered separately on our holy days of obligation page. If you are going to Mass for the first time, our guide to what happens at Mass covers the hour itself.
Questions
- How often does a Catholic have to go to confession?
- At least once a year, and before receiving Communion if aware of having committed a mortal sin. That is the minimum in Church law rather than a recommended frequency.
- What if I have forgotten what to say?
- Tell the priest that at the start. Hearing confessions from people who have not been for years is ordinary parish work, and he will lead you through it line by line.
- Can the priest tell anyone what I said?
- No. The Catechism describes the sacramental seal as binding every priest who hears confessions to absolute secrecy about what a penitent has confessed, under very severe penalties.